I have frustrations.....

For one, I'm still on my journey to orgasm. This is frustrating for a number of reasons.

For another, I am getting the feeling like Maggie's friends don't always respect her, minus two of the guys, and that is really upsetting to me. I am so super loyal that perhaps I am holding them to unattainable standards. But between the disregard for her request to keep her sister off the board and her roommate demanding that I not spend the night most weekends (even though she pays more rent than him, pays entirely for the internet they both use, pays for most of the food, etc), it just seems very disrespectful of her feelings.

A third is that it seems Amanda's boyfriend has done something shitty yet again. Like, part of me realizes that he is a really great guy and that Amanda is like me in that we can both overreact, so perhaps she is just overreacting? But at the same time, I feel like she probably isn't...she's a lot more stable than me and the stuff I have heard about from her has been rather crappy. Time will tell.

Fourth, I keep thinking I have exams when I don't. This leads me to studying like crazy, then showing up to class and being extremely disappointed. I mean, that means all of next week will look like this week did. BLEH.

Fifth is some of the crappy things people said when we were talking about dating violence in my Women and Crimes class. It's two days later, but it's still bugging me. It's weird too because one of my roommates said similar things just the day before (of the "god, if a guy ever hit me, i'd be out of there so fast" kind) and all I could do was busy myself with chores in the kitchen. Yeah, so no one has ever gone so far as to hit me in a relationship, but I have been raped and I went on more dates with him, I have been used for sex, I have been used to fill the self-esteem void in the case of Dorothy....and so....when people say those things, they are hurtful. Cuz it's not like I don't already feel bad enough about the mistakes I've made. And because it comes off as victim blaming because "obviously" I should have left these people....but honestly, it wasn't that easy. I was scared, I was hurting, I had little to no self-esteem....and I wish more people could be empathetic to that.

That said, I had a really good discussion with George. He's one of Maggie's friends who I feel like is very respectful of her feelings and he let me talk to him about the roommate situation and gave out some pretty damn good advice. On top of that, he's been helping in my journey to orgasm by offering suggestions of things to try. I finally told him about the rape and how that factors in....and he was so empathetic and just....he told me he didn't know what to say, which I very much prefer to saying nothing.